GRRRRR!!

 

Grrr.

That’s my commentary on the day; Grr.

Grr for the snow that has returned to my finally melted world

Grr for the executive busting my chops over his own oversight

Grr for the cold and that groundhog’s stupid shadow

Grr.

Grr for the auditor who wrote up really stupid findings

Grr for the FDA visit that has to be just around the corner

Grr for my ever shrinking bank account

GRR.

Grr for the laundry

And Grr for the dishes

And Grr for the freezing conditions in my apartment

Grr for the projects I should have finished by now but haven’t

Grr for people who don’t listen

Grr for kids who won’t help out

GRRRRR for the traffic

Grr, Grr, Grr!!!

Magpye’s ‘Winter Sucks’ Poem

 

 

More Snow and cold

It’s getting old

I HATE the stuff

I’ve had enough

But what to do?

We’re far from through

A dozen weeks

With frosted cheeks

The icy roads

And coffs and codes

I hate it all

Yet still it falls…

Oh, the weather outside is Frightful….

 

…and it sucks.

Don’t give me no delightful fire, lights turned down low, it makes no difference, I am in no way inclined to feel happy about letting it snow, snow, snow.

Okay, yes, I have lived in Utah for the majority of my life, and yes, I should be used to it. But that doesn’t change the fact that I hate it worse than girlie exams or root canals. Snow sucks.

As you might have surmised by now, I am the Utah anomaly. I don’t ski. I don’t snowboard. Hell, I don’t even go tubing unless it’s for my sons scout troop and then I make one pass down the hill and spend the rest of the evening in the lodge passing out the hot chocolate. SNOW SUCKS.

They have this cute little option here on wordpress where you can have snowflakes falling on your blog now. WELL NOT IN THE NEST, PEOPLE! You’ll see none of that infernal white stuff in THIS blog, I assure you. No way, no how.

SNOW SUCKS!!!!

Winter SUCKS

I hate it. It sucks. There is just nothing about it, not one thing, that I can say about winter that is a positive thing. Sure, snuggling up in front of a fire under a nice blanky is pleasant, but only because you’re attempting to fight off the FREEZING FREAKING CHILL OF WINTER… you’d never catch anyone doing that in the summer just for fun, wouldja? Think about it.

I woke up to snow yesterday morning, and it right pissed me off. Oh sure, it was just a little bit, and was melted off by midday, but how dare it be there in the first place. Now that I have moved to an apartment up in the foothills close to the mountains, I can only expect the worst of it this year… Damn. I have to stop at the old house after work today, I left all my warm jackets and coats there when I moved because it was August and I wasn’t thinking about warm jackets and coats. Believe me, I am now. And my sweatshirts and snuggly clothes… gotta get them too, I suppose. CRAP! I HATE WINTER!

Seasonal Affective Disorder, anyone?

I know what you’re thinking. Why live in Utah if you hate winter? It does seem counter-intuitive, right? I know. But this is just … where I live. It’s where my ridiculously dysfunctional family is. I know how to find stuff. I moved out of state once, for three years… to Texas. I couldn’t stand it, it was so… FLAT. I felt so exposed all the time, and in three years I never could develop a sense of direction. The mountains are a necessity to me. I gotta have ‘em. They tell me where I’m going, they provide the best sunrises and sunsets you’ll find anywhere. Not to mention the best trout fishing there is…..

But still, why SNOW????

I need to get out of Utah

Okay, I am seriously cranky. It’s almost two o’clock in the afternoon, and it has been PUKING down snow since just after nine this morning. I am sooo irritated; I can’t even concentrate on my job, as evidenced by my writing this blog entry instead of working…

Many of my co-workers are discussing whether or not they will be able to get home in this weather. In that, at least, I am fortunate – for while I only drive a silly little PT Cruiser (purple, with flames – my husband calls it ‘The Flaming Grape’) I live only a few blocks from work. Worse comes to worst, I could walk home if I had to. I told everyone I could host a Pirate Sleepover for those stuck here – we could play Pirates Dice, wear eyepatches and say ‘aarrgh’ a lot. We could even have a POC movie marathon.

I don’t think anybody is going to take me up on it, though.

Bugger.

The husband is home from Hawaii. He wants me to feel bad that his back got sunburned when he was snorkeling with giant sea turtles.

I don’t.

He brought me a pirate T-shirt, which was pretty cool, and some really scary purple flower grandma earrings that make me wonder what he sees when he looks at me.  I mean, purple enamel, Wal-Mart, 3 dollar specials, you know? WTF??

I hate snow.

Someone told me to try and think of it as Pirate Weather. I know she meant well. But I almost punched her.

I need to get out of Utah.

This is what I’m talking about…

This is an email a friend sent me today. Perfect timing, considering my last post; you’ll notice that little saying close to the end:

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September to May, you live in Utah .If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don’t work there, you live in Utah .

If you’ve worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you live in Utah

If you’ve had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed the wrong number, you live in Utah .

If ‘vacation’ means going anywhere south of Salt Lake City for the weekend, you live in Utah .

If you measure distance in hours, you live in Utah .

If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you live in Utah .

If you have switched from ‘heat’ to ‘A/C’ and back again in the same day, you live in Utah .

If you install security lights on your house and garage but leave both unlocked, you live in Utah .

If you can drive 75 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you live in Utah .

If you design your kid’s Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit, you live in Utah .

If the speed limit on the highway is 75 mph — you’re going 80, and everyone is still passing you, you live in Utah .

If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow, you live in Utah .

If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road construction, you live in Utah .

If you find 10 degrees ‘a little chilly’ you live in Utah .

If you actually understand these jokes and forward them to all your friends, you live in Utah .

Remind me why I live here again…?

We are in a cold spell.
Not a ‘Jee, I think I’ll wear a sweater today, it’s a bit nippy’ cold spell, but a ‘Holy Jesus, I can’t feel my toes, my lips are blue, and another hamster has frozen to death’ cold spell. The kind of cold spell that makes you sing opera when you are filling up your gas tank, even when there is a complete stranger at the next pump looking at you like you’re a complete nutjob. The kind of cold that makes the snot in your nose freeze solid every time you breathe in, making your nostrils all hard and crunchy. The kind of cold that makes your dog SMELL like ice when they come in from the daily dump you have to shove them out the back door to take so they don’t sneak downstairs and do it behind the dryer (if there’s one thing worse than frozen nose-juice, it’s hot dryer-poo).
Remind me why I live in Utah again? Oh yeah, the Polygamy and winter sports. Only I’m not a fundamentalist Mormon and don’t ski, skate, snowboard or sled – although I do a great slip now and then. Usually when cool people are watching.
I have lived here almost all my life. And I have hated every…single…winter. You know, I can take the cold. NORMAL cold. 30 degrees, 40 degrees – no problem. I can deal with that.
right now, it is 11 degrees outside. That is just stupid. There is no reason for that kind of cold. I have my thermostat turned up to 75 right now and under this blanket, my nose is STILL running. STUPID!! Greatest Snow On Earth, My Ass. The holidays are over. Come on, change of seasons!
Around here, there is a saying- In Utah, we have 4 seasons: Almost Winter, Winter, Still Winter, and Construction.
I can’t wait to see the first signs – the little orange cones, the dirty men standing around holding up shovels….