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So a few days ago the Doctor’s Assistant left me a voicemail, regarding the results of my recent brain MRI. He stated that ‘The results from my most recent MRI scans indicate my condition is unchanged’.
I love how they do that.
See, they can’t tell me the results are NORMAL. Ever since a neurosurgeon went in there and removed a golf-ball-sized mass from the center of my brain stem, my condition has not been ‘normal’. Ever since a month before that when the mass filled with blood and then ruptured, causing a hemmorhagic stroke, my condition has not been ‘normal’. They can’t use the word NORMAL when referring to my brain. I just get a kick out of it. They can’t do it. So they have to use the word UNCHANGED, to tell me that there is no cause for worry and that it still looks as good as it’s gonna get.
I’m glad things are unchanged; it’s pretty much what I expected. I figure I’ve gone this long without any recurrence, I’d be surprised to see problems of a neurological nature start popping up now. But hey, I guess you never know.
Some people are so obsessed with being normal. I think most people who know me could testify I am not one of them. I am hardly concerned with the latest fashion or the hottest accessories; give me some comfy jeans and pirate T-shirts and I’m good to go. In most areas of my life, I’m fine with new things, new experiences.
This is one arena, however, in which I am happy to remain ‘unchanged’.
Tired, tired, TIRED…. Falling asleep at work today. Disturbed played last night, and in spite of fighting for a good spot for my smallish 16 year old in a general admission venue, the show was AWESOME. We had a total blast! Skindred opened, and I have to say I liked them even more than the second band, Sevendust. But when Disturbed finally took the stage, there was no question who dominated the entire evening, hands down. I was pleased to find that Disturbed is a band that plays as well live as on their CDs… awesome, awesome show. We came, we saw, we got T-shirts.
Then I had to get up early this morning and go all the way uptown for a neuro-opthalmic eye appointment, to address this eye-bobbing issue. What a nightmare. I would have given ANYTHING to sleep in this morning! Then I got lost trying to get there, was half an hour late… good thing they were nice about it and didn’t make me reschedule. Anyway, the assistant put me through the regular tests, read this, point at that, you know the drill. Then she starts talking about dilating my eyes… I’m like, ‘What? No no no! I have to WORK today! I have an AUDIT! I NEED my eyes!’ Just then the doctor came in and looked me over, talked to me about my symptoms and all. Turns out he didn’t need me dilated after all, thank goodness! He has prescribed me a medication normally used for parkinsons’ disease, but that has been found to work in cases of “Jiggly Eye” (That’s exactly what he called it, I’m not kidding).
And of course, he wants the ever-predictable follow-up MRI, ‘just to be sure nothing has changed’. Which is Doctor-speak for ‘Hey, New Year, new deductible, let’s get to spending!’ I have been getting occasional follow-up MRIs for the past 18 years; nothing changes, other than the amount I owe. It’s pointless. But God forbid I forego the MRI one time it’s offered, and I end up having some bizarre re-growth of the cavernoma that goes unnoticed until it bleeds out and I’m dead. That would be just my luck.
No, really, I’m serious, if you knew me, you’d know that WOULD be just my luck. Totally.
I even got lost on my way back from the place, couldn’t find the freeway to save my life, didn’t get to work until 11:30, and my auditor was almost ready to leave. Thank goodness for good coworkers who know how to pitch in when I can’t be around. They had already taken care of all his questions, given him the tour, the whole nine. There was hardly anything for me to do but make my introductions. Yay coworkers!
So here I sit, ears ringing from last night, going on not near enough sleep, knowing I need to stay late to make up for coming in late….ugh.
But was Disturbed worth it?
Heh… yeah.
Boy has it been a busy week! You can tell because I haven’t even had enough time to waste at work to post even one blog entry all week long. And I had stuff to write about, too.
Last weekend, my friend D and I decided to hang out. So I met her at her place and we were sitting and talking, and somehow the conversation turned to ‘toys’ and I mentioned that I could never go into one of ‘those’ stores. Well, that was it – D was determined that not only was I going to one of ‘those’ stores, but that I was going to BUY something. I fought hard against the idea, I really, really did – I stonewalled with all my might… but D was not to be swayed. So after lunch, she dragged me to one of those places. I tried to make light of how embarrassed I was, saying to the clerk on the way in “If anyone calls, I’M NOT HERE”, and off we went to the little walled-off private area where they keep THOSE sorts of things.
May I say OH MY GOD????
I had NO IDEA what kind of stuff was out there. Holy crap. Frightening? Confusing? Awe-inspiring?? Just plain physically impossible???
People, if you have not been to one of these places, I suggest you go. And I suggest you be drunk when you do. It was the most hilarious thing I have seen in many years. I mean, sure, there were your average and sundry items that you’d expect, but then there were things… I had no idea how they would even be used. And I didn’t want to know. My knowledge base has increased exponentially through that one trip.
And of course, there was that one, creepy older guy, wandering aimlessly, seeming to try casually to saunter ever closer to me… ICK!
Well, whether I made a purchase and/or what it was I shall keep to myself. But the moral of the story is, go check out one of these places! They are a RIOT!!
Man, I can’t wait for tomorrow to be over; this has been the longest week in history. Take a three day Regulatory Accreditation audit, add in two additional sponsor audits, throw in three bad weather days where travel is a nightmare, and an eyeball that is steadily growing more and more unsteady – I’ll tell you, it takes it out of ya. I am BEAT.
But, I just have to get through tonight with the kids, and tomorrow at work, and then I’m free for a few days. Free to sleep in, free to bum around, free to do nothing or anything. Free to get a little REST.
Just… 24… hours…
Got… to hang… on…
Come on, Mags, keep it together. I know I’m just worked up because I have to battle Satan tonight when I get home…. Oh yeah, TOTALLY addicted to Guitar Hero. And here I thought I bought that Wii for my kids… HA!
I have to say it is amazing how much activity you put in to things without even realizing it. I tried bouncing soccer balls off my head for just a few minutes last night and today my whole core aches. I mean, muscles I couldn’t target if I TRIED. It’s pretty cool!
Where’s my Advil?? WHERE’S MY ADVIL PEOPLE????
Here’s something I have noticed around the office…. Our janitors are evil. Not like, steal your children and sell them to Gypsies evil, or pee in the coffee pot evil… but they are evil, just the same.
This is what they do: Right at coffe time first thing in the morning, they close off the cafeteria for cleaning so you can’t get to the coffee machine. They make you… wait.
Then, they’ll open up the cafeteria and there will be a mass exodus of drowsy employees anxious to get their morning caffeine fix. We go in, we fill up, glug glug glug.
Then those evil janitors…. They wait. They wait just about an hour to an hour and a half, when all that coffee has run it’s course. Then they shut down the restrooms. For… cleaning. They secretly laugh their evil little laughs as we all do our tippy-toe gotta-go dances back and forth from our offices to the restrooms to see if they’re open yet… and you KNOW they are taking their time….
They think I don’t know what they’re up to…. But I see their little games, I know what they’re trying to pull. Evil, I tell you. Pure evil.
Just because I KNOW you can’t get enough… (insert sarcastic, self-deprecating laugh here)
I can fit my entire fist in my mouth.
I was once three-time State Champion Tomahawk Thrower.
I have played bluegrass fiddle since I was 12.
I have eight tattoos.
I had brain surgery when I was nineteen.
I drive a purple PT Cruiser with flames on it.
I can name all fifty states in alphabetical order.
I fear spiders worse than death.
I am obsessed with driving super fast on the open road.
I am a bad housekeeper.
I once met Charleton Heston.
I had a rapist caught outside my house when I was 20.
I can start a fire with flint and steel in under a minute.
I like to sing karaoke.
I own more than 15 Pirate T-shirts.
I only have one real friend.
Son: “Check out my grim reaper Bionicle creature I made, and this is his apprentice.”
Me: “That apprentice looks kind of lame.”
Son: “I know, the grim reaper hates him.”
Me: “Then why does he have him for an apprentice?”
Son: “Well, you know… he’s a temp.”
This is an email a friend sent me today. Perfect timing, considering my last post; you’ll notice that little saying close to the end:
If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September to May, you live in Utah .If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don’t work there, you live in Utah .
If you’ve worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you live in Utah
If you’ve had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed the wrong number, you live in Utah .
If ‘vacation’ means going anywhere south of Salt Lake City for the weekend, you live in Utah .
If you measure distance in hours, you live in Utah .
If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you live in Utah .
If you have switched from ‘heat’ to ‘A/C’ and back again in the same day, you live in Utah .
If you install security lights on your house and garage but leave both unlocked, you live in Utah .
If you can drive 75 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you live in Utah .
If you design your kid’s Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit, you live in Utah .
If the speed limit on the highway is 75 mph — you’re going 80, and everyone is still passing you, you live in Utah .
If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow, you live in Utah .
If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road construction, you live in Utah .
If you find 10 degrees ‘a little chilly’ you live in Utah .
If you actually understand these jokes and forward them to all your friends, you live in Utah .
After bowling last night, and considering it was our last weekend night free before “THE CHILDREN” return home from their grandparents in Southern Utah, we decided to take in some dinner and a show. We drove across town to the Megaplex and bought tickets, leaving us an hour to find something for dinner, and spying a chinese place we hadn’t tried yet, made our way in.
(DISCLAIMER: This is Utah, people. You can find food an hour before a show on a Saturday night and actually eat and still make the previews. It can happen.)
Long story short, the food was better than we expected for a very reasonable price, and lots of it, and all rejoiced.
AND THEN…
the fortune cookies came.
My husband got a nice normal fortune cookie, the kind of thing you expect – “You will be receiving a promotion soon”. No big deal, right?
I opened mine.
“Aliens will appear to you in the near future.”
What the Hell??
No “Someone close is a great admirer”? No “You will embark on a great journey”?
Not to mention, if you apply the traditional “in bed’ to the end…
EEEW! Like I don’t lose enough sleep already…
