So Long, 2008…

 

Well, this has been one of the most bizarre years of my adult life.

I entered it in a stable marriage, a secure job, a comfortable house, and good financial status.

I am leaving it in a state of separation, a job I worry about keeping, a cold basement apartment, and never enough cash to stretch from one pay day to the next.

It’s been interesting.

In between there have been lost loves, internet relationships, and plenty of heartache and heartbreak. It has been tough learning to be on my own, but I really think I am making progress. It’s hard, and it’s lonely, but if there’s one resolution I make for 2009, it will be that I refuse to sacrifice my self, my personality, my happiness, to appease a man. I have rediscovered what it’s like to really be able to just be me… and I like me.

My husband and I are getting along well, spending some time together, and will start counseling in January. But I have been very clear that I have made no promises, aloud or inferred, that I will be returning home. It seems I like him as a friend, but as a husband? I still have no idea if we’ll ever get back to that point. Much change is needed.

My kids will return from my parent’s place in Southern Utah on Sunday; I have missed them and can’t wait to see their little faces again (reminding myself they’re just not so little anymore). School starts up again Monday, and life resumes as normal again for everyone… well, as normal as it can be right now.

So what will 2009 bring? Hard to imagine. So many things in the air right now, I can’t possibly predict what might happen next… but stay tuned,  faithful readers, it’s sure to be entertaining!

Ahhh… It’s Over….

Yes, the big day has come and gone… and so have the kids. They boarded a shuttle on the 27^th and were off to St. George (Southern Utah) to spend their second week of Christmas vacation with grandma and grandpa. You know what that means?

I have the Wii all to myself all week long, Woo Hoo!!

My husband came over and played for awhile after dropping the kids off at the shuttle; I knocked him out cold in Boxing, I kicked his butt Bowling, and my band TOTALLY rocked harder in Guitar Hero. We had a fun time; he had even bought the kids a skiing game that you play standing on the Wii fit and using the controller and nunchuk as ski poles, and I gave that a shot, thus further proving there IS a reason I do not, and have never, and will never ski.

It was a lot of fun, and you know what? Today I CAN HARDLY MOVE. My shoulders, my upper arms, my back, my ass, my thighs, my knees – everything is stiff and sore. I got quite a workout… and I haven’t even tried the Wii Fit software yet!

I love that Wii. I did get it for the kids, but I guess it turned out to be a gift for myself as well, which works out, considering the only other gift I got was a Disturbed CD from my daughter. Way to go, kid, thanks for having my back. She rocks, she really does. I’m going to try to get tickets to Disturbed, they’re playing here at the end of January, and if I do I’m totally taking her. She’ll freak.

Still spending some time with the husband, overall it’s okay, I guess. I can’t believe he actually thinks my Pirate Enthusiasm is a bad influence on my children. This could be a deal-breaker, kids… if I can’t be me, I’m not going back, it’s just that simple. So now he says we can’t discuss it anymore until we see the counselor, because it could start a fight. Have I mentioned he still has to be the boss of everything, and tell me how to drive and where to turn in the town where I was born and raised? LOVE that…

It Happened….

Maybe it’s the fact that it’s almost upon us… maybe it’s the look of all the presents under the tree… maybe it’s the fact that my doctor just upped my antidepressants… but I have to admit, the Christmas Spirit has actually finally hit me. Just sauntered on up and whopped me upside the head, it did. Totally took me by surprise, too – I certainly wasn’t feeling very Christmas-y and wasn’t expecting to this year. Sure, I was putting on a brave face for the kids, but man, I sure wasn’t feeling it.

Then Saturday I went shopping with my husband, picked up the last few things I needed. He and I have been spending more time together and doing a lot of talking, and that’s been going well. We have decided to have the family Christmas together, and I feel really good about that.

Then I went home, and wrapped and wrapped… when I stood back and surveyed my little tree and all the gifts beneath it, I found myself saying a little prayer of thanks. I don’t know how I pulled it off, but I did. I did good for my kids this year, all by myself. I can’t wait to see their faces on Christmas morning when they see what’s in store.

I took a little gift upstairs to my neighbors, and was greeted with the news that their twin girls had been born Friday evening, healthy and beautiful. What an awesome Christmas gift for them! I can’t wait to see them, hold them… then hand them back….

I don’t know how it happened, or exactly when, or why. But sometime in the last few days, somehow, my heart got filled up. I had forgotten what that feels like, and I’m tearing up even as I write this, because it’s a good feeling and I don’t want it to go away. I feel like the Grinch when his heart grew two (or was it three? I can’t remember) sizes bigger all at once.

You know what? Life is good.

Evil Among Us… and they have Mops

Here’s something I have noticed around the office…. Our janitors are evil. Not like, steal your children and sell them to Gypsies evil,  or pee in the coffee pot evil… but they are evil, just the same.

This is what they do: Right at coffe time first thing in the morning, they close off the cafeteria for cleaning so you can’t get to the coffee machine. They make you… wait.

Then, they’ll open up the cafeteria and there will be a mass exodus of drowsy employees anxious to get their morning caffeine fix. We go in, we fill up, glug glug glug.

Then those evil janitors…. They wait. They wait just about an hour to an hour and a half, when all that coffee has run it’s course. Then they shut down the restrooms. For… cleaning. They secretly laugh their evil little laughs as we all do our tippy-toe gotta-go dances back and forth from our offices to the restrooms to see if they’re open yet… and you KNOW they are taking their time….

They think I don’t know what they’re up to…. But I see their little games, I know what they’re trying to pull. Evil, I tell you. Pure evil.

Alphainventions.com – Check THIS out

Well I just keep getting hits on my site from AI – Im glad I found this little gem. I have never had traffic on my blog anywhere near what I am getting since I started posting on alphainventions.com — so thanks again!!

More interesting facts about ME

 

Just because I KNOW you can’t get enough… (insert sarcastic, self-deprecating laugh here)

 

I can fit my entire fist in my mouth.

I was once three-time State Champion Tomahawk Thrower.

I have played bluegrass fiddle since I was 12.

I have eight tattoos.

I had brain surgery when I was nineteen.

I drive a purple PT Cruiser with flames on it.

I can name all fifty states in alphabetical order.

I fear spiders worse than death.

I am obsessed with driving super fast on the open road.

I am a bad housekeeper.

I once met Charleton Heston.

I had a rapist caught outside my house when I was 20.

I can start a fire with flint and steel in under a minute.

I like to sing karaoke.

I own more than 15 Pirate T-shirts.

I only have one real friend.

Magpye’s ‘Life Sucks’ Poem

 

 

Stumbling blind

Reaching wildly

Finding no purchase

The sound of dark, smell of cold

I am enveloped in lonliness

I see

But I do not see

I feel

But feeling is excrutiating

I fight

But the struggle pulls me further under

Until I cannot breathe

Voices around me

As if from underwater

Unreal, distorted

Time is a sharp wire that winds ever tighter around me

I scream

But no one wants to hear

I am truly alone

My First LIST Blog

 

 

I have seen list blogs on so many other sites, and realized last night that I don’t think I have ever made one myself, so I thought I’d give it a try. These are just my own topics, I didn’t pull this list from any mass-email or other person’s blog, although I’m sure many items are similar. Here goes:

Movies that made me cry hardest:

1)      King Kong. The one with Jeff Bridges that I saw when I was about ten. My big brother took me and when they killed King Kong and I knew he was only trying to protect the girl, it broke my heart. I bawled all the way out of the theater, and I don’t think my brother was ever more embarrassed.

2)      Backdraft. I was pregnant with my first child and highly hormonal. The funeral at the end pushed me right over the edge. I had to go home and cry with my cats while my (future ex) husband laughed in the next room.

3)      Dying Young. That speech that Julia Roberts gives at the end? Killed me.

4)      Steel Magnolias. Word to the wise? DON’T take your best friend to see this the weekend before she’s supposed to have brain surgery. NOT MOTIVATIONAL.

Favorite Authors:

1)      Stephen King, hands down. I have read everything he’s ever written, at least three or four times… except the Shining. Once was enough for me on that one.

2)      Ann Rice. Her Vampire and Witch series are excellent, although some of her other stuff gets a little weird…

3)      Peter Straub. Almost as good as Stephen King. Not as prolific.

4)      Dean Koontz. A little predictable, all his books seem to follow a formula, but he keeps me busy in between King’s novels.

Favorite Bands:

1)      All Time Fave: The Damned. If you haven’t heard of them, you should check them out. From their early days in 70’s british punk to their more recent rich, hard hitting rock, this band has been around almost 40 years and is still rocking hard. I got backstage when I was 15 and got kissed by the drummer, Rat Scabies, so I may be biased here.

2)      Tenacious D. Who can’t love these guys? Anyone who can rock out and still make you laugh until milk comes out your nose at the same time, is awesome in my book.

3)      AC/DC. Come on, these guys belong on everyone’s list that has a pulse. ‘Nuff said.

4)      Godsmack.  This was a tough one between them and Disturbed, but in the end, I had to give it to Godsmack just for ‘Hollow’ alone, which is one of my favorite songs. Godsmack can go from in-your face thrash to haunting ballads in a way I haven’t seen Disturbed do, so they get my nod.

 

Well that’s my first list blog. Hope you liked it, and learned a little about me.

So I tried this new thing….

Have you heard about alphainventions? It’s this crazy website where all kinds of random blogs are continually cycled through and displayed, and you can go there and sign up to have your blog displayed in the cycle. Up until yesterday, the busiest day I had ever ever had was when I got 51 hits on my blog, and that was an EPIC day for me; I signed up with alphainventions yesterday and got over 220 in one day! Plus, you get to see all kinds of other blogs you would never have known existed. Give them a look… www.alphainventions.com

Magpye’s ‘Winter Sucks’ Poem

 

 

More Snow and cold

It’s getting old

I HATE the stuff

I’ve had enough

But what to do?

We’re far from through

A dozen weeks

With frosted cheeks

The icy roads

And coffs and codes

I hate it all

Yet still it falls…